Hot dog, jumping frog… rejected my article on Albuquerque, so I’m posting it here (now you know the secret: the good stuff never makes it to my blog!):

Facts about Albuquerque:

  • Albuquerque is New Mexico’s largest city, with approximately
    17,000 citizens, and just over 5,000,000 illegal immigrants.
  • Albuquerque enjoys a warm, tropical climate, but doesn’t actually
    have one.
  • The west side of Albuquerque is a true desert, receiving less than
    7 inches of rain annually. The east side receives just over 300 inches
    annually, all on July 17th.
  • A controversial law signed by Mayor Go-Go Gomez requires
    Albuquerque police to stop people for proof of legal residence. Those
    who don’t have proof are given some.
  • Albuquerque residents have easy access to adjacent Native American
    reservations, where gambling and prostitution are legal, as are peyote
    use, slavery, rape, and murder.
  • Albuquerque was founded by the Spanish explorer Cornholio, who was
    searching for Cibola (literally, “Native American cunt”).
  • Albuquerque has been home to many famous entrepreneurs, none of
    whom achieved success until they left Albuquerque.
  • Although most residents live in a 10 square mile area, the actual
    city limits cover just over 200 billion square miles.
  • Albuquerque’s official bird is Dame Judi Dench.
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